Healthy Love
- Development of self first.
- Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.
- Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.
- Encouragement of each other's expanding; secure in own worth.
- Appropriate Trust (i.e. trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.)
- Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.
- Embracing of each other's individuality.
- Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.
- Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other's mood.
- Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)
- Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship.
- Ability to enjoy being alone.
- Cycle of comfort and contentment.
- Obsession with relationship.
- Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness)
- Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.
- Preoccupation with other's behavior; fear of other changing.
- Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects "supply."
- Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.
- Trying to change other to own image.
- Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.
- Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.
- Fusion (being obsessed with each other's problems and feelings.)
- Pressure around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate gratification.
- Unable to endure separation; clinging.
- Cycle of pain and despair.
Beattie, Melody; Co-Dependent No More
Burney, Robert; Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls
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